The Island Editorial

‘Old bats on Viagra’

23 November 2016

 

Monday’s parliamentary proceedings were so replete with risqué comments, double entendre and bawdy remarks that anyone who cared to watch them live on television may have wondered whether the debate was on the national budget or Kama Sutra.

Speaker Karu Jayasuriya, at the beginning of the session, exhorted the MPs to be on their best behaviour because a live telecast of the proceedings was on, but his plea fell on deaf ears as usual. His is a Sisyphean task, we reckon. It is popularly said in this country that ‘a canine tail cannot be straightened even if it is kept inside a bamboo’.

Snide remarks and insults were freely traded beside quick-fire, Rabelaisian repartee in the House. What took the cake, however, was Prime Minister Ranil Wickremesinghe’s retort in retaliation for a barb from an elderly Marxist MP. "What can I do when an old bat happens to be on Viagra?" he asked rhetorically amidst peals of laughter. We knew every politician had bats in his belfry, but never did we know that there were old bats dependent on Viagra among our representatives!

The PM’s chiropteran reference reminded us of an incident reported a few moons ago. A minister, who hears time’s winged chariot hurrying near, perhaps in a bid to make up for lost time, put himself on an overdose of Viagra. Whether he succeeded in his endeavour, we do not know, but the effect of the potent aphrodisiac certainly overstayed welcome; he had to be rushed to hospital, where doctors fought quite a battle and thankfully managed to save a precious part of his anatomy. There seem to be more such old bats among lawmakers according to the PM’s innuendo.

Some politicians consider them lions, but we think all of them are brown bats. Maneka Gandhi, in a recent column in The Island, on the sexual behaviour of animals, wrote about those flying mammals: "The little brown bat is even more sexually deviant. When most bats are hibernating through the winter, hanging together in vast colonies, this bat works its way through raping males and females alike as they sleep." This is why people, with so many politicians around, must remain fully awake and on their guard lest something nasty should happen to them!

Politicians are usually notorious for paedophilia. But, on Monday, it was revealed in Parliament that there were also gerontophiles among them besides gigolos, Lotharios et al. Thanks to the live telecast of parliamentary proceedings the whole country is now au fait with our MPs’ sexual preferences.

Some parliamentarians with concupiscence oozing from every pore are like wild jumbos in musth and their female counterparts have complained of sexual harassment at their hands. A fish rots from the head down and the breakdown in discipline in society at large is something to be expected.

Now, we know parliamentarians use the President’s Fund even to gratify their carnal desires. (MPs are honourable men and women and they don’t make false allegations in the august assembly, do they?) It is also common knowledge that they receive staggering amounts of dosh from moneybags by way of campaign funds which go unaccounted for. They can sell their duty free vehicle permits for as much as Rs. 25 million each with impunity. In addition to their salaries they are paid for attending Parliament and various committees. Their medical expenses are taken care of by the President’s Fund while many poor patients including children on waiting lists at the state-run hospitals, are dying, unable to pay for their life-saving operations elsewhere. Most parliamentarians’ children receive best of education either here or overseas and their spouses and close relatives are rewarded with political sinecures. Gone are the days when politicians died in penury having lost all their wealth.

It is against this backdrop that the PM’s claim that MPs are in dire financial straits and, therefore, deserve better pay should be viewed. If those who sponge off the public while being paid handsomely by the state cannot make ends meet, how difficult it is for the ordinary people to dull the pangs of hunger goes without saying. But, the government keeps burdening the masses with heavier taxes and higher tariffs. While their so-called representatives are heating their livers with premium brand cognac etc and satisfying their taste buds with caviar people find it difficult to drown their sorrow even in Adam’s ale due to high tariffs.

Evo Morales, upon being elected the President of Bolivia in 2006, cut his salary by more than a half, saying he wanted to share the economic woes of his people. His MPs followed suit. That is true political leadership! Here, we have politicians feathering their nests while people are starving.

Long live Yahapalanya!